Written by Clinical Psychologist, Katie Dobinson 

This Mental Health Month’s theme ‘Let’s Talk About It’ encourages us all to help break the stigma of mental-ill health by talking and communicating our thoughts and feelings with one another. However, this is often ‘easier said than done’ (pardon the pun).  

While communicating our feelings is an important part of improving wellbeing and day-to-day mental health, it isn’t always easy to do. The first step is identifying for yourself how you’re feeling, then finding ways to let others know. When we communicate how we’re feeling to others, this can open the doors to support, a sense of connection, and build community. 

With this in mind, this month’s blog will focus on how we can put words to feelings in the following ways: 

Learning to be compassionate with your self-talk (how we communicate to ourselves matters!) 

How we talk to ourselves is essential to maintaining our mental health and wellbeing. Before considering how you are talking to others about mental health, pause and reflect on your own self-talk. Are you often holding yourself to higher standards than you would expect of others? Are you often your own toughest critic, and notice an internal dialogue that says “I’m not good enough”? We encourage you to start here, and work on treating yourself with the kindness, understanding, and forgiveness that you’re likely extending to others. 

Compassionate self-talk is the antidote to critical self-talk. When we talk to ourselves in a kind and encouraging tone, this is protective against mental-ill health and reduces negative thoughts that commonly occur in depression and anxiety. This Mental Health Month, practice your compassionate self-talk with these tips: 

• When caught in self-criticism, shift your thinking by asking yourself, “How might I talk to a loved one going through this same situation?” then use the same language towards yourself. 

• Take time to notice and write down a list of your favourite personal qualities and skills. If you need help, ask others for what they value about you. Add to and read over this list each day. 

• Be curious about negative feelings, rather than critical. Rather than criticising yourself for feeling anxious or low, ask yourself “what do I need to care for myself in this moment?”. Remember that negative emotions don’t last forever. 

Tips for effective communication 

There are five skills that can come in handy when you’re trying to communicate to another how you feel, and what you need. Try these 5 skills next time you’re having a tough conversation, or speaking about difficult emotions: 

• Respond, don’t react: When we feel strong emotions, we tend to react quickly without taking a moment to stop, think, and find the words to express ourselves. Try to keep calm by taking some slow, gentle breaths before communicating. This signals to our body and mind that we are safe and relaxed, and shows the other person we are approaching the conversation in a considerate manner.  

• Describe how you feel: It helps to be honest about your true feelings, being specific about how you’re feeling rather than using vague descriptions. Taking responsibility for your own emotions by using ‘I’ statements helps. For example “I am feeling embarrassed about the argument we had last week, and anxious to discuss it with you. I care about our friendship and would like to talk with you about it to share my feelings and understand how you’re feeling to. Are you open to talking at the moment?” 

• Ask for what you need: Help the other person by letting them know how they can support you, and clearly express your needs. Be open to compromise and negotiation.  

• Communicate your boundaries: When we spread ourselves too thin and say ‘yes’ to everything, this can lead to feeling overwhelmed, stressed and resentful. It’s healthy for you and the other person(s) to communicate your boundaries in a clear, calm, and respectful way.  

• Listen to the other person: Show that you’re open to hearing the other person out, acknowledge their struggles, and show that you understand by checking-in with how you’re interpreting their perspective.  

Download our free ‘Effective Communication’ Coping Tool here.

Remember that communication is broader than our words. It helps to approach conversations with open body language, a relaxed posture, arms un-folded, and use eye contact to show the other person you’re present and engaged.  

For folks who speak different languages other than English, a range of translated Coping Tool Resources can be found at here. You can also explore the excellent multilingual resources for Mental Health Month here.  

What you can do if you’re not ready to talk about how you feel? 

If you’re not quite ready to share your feelings with others, that’s ok! It can be hard to put words to feelings when we’re facing life’s challenges and sometimes we aren’t up to talking. Remember that help is always available, even when you don’t quite have the words.  

THIS WAY UP helps you put words to feelings that you might be experiencing but don’t quite know how to describe. Emotions come in all shapes and sizes, and can range from pleasant, feelings of happiness, elation, excitement and joy, to painful feelings, like shame, grief, sadness and guilt. Emotions are there to communicate to us, aiming to help us identify what when our actions are helpful, when they aren’t so helpful, and when we might need some support or connection.

The first step to putting words to your feelings is developing an understanding of what you’re feeling, why you might be feeling that way, and describing or labelling the emotion. THIS WAY UP’s digital mental health programs are an excellent way to learn more about the emotions you are experiencing, and helps you to put words to these feelings. Try one of our online treatment programs today to learn more. 

For further assistance 

Support is available 24/7 through Lifeline (13 11 14) and Beyond Blue (Ph: 1300 22 4636) with counsellors who are there to listen and provide assistance. Reach out to a support service if you are distressed and need someone to speak with. 

Did you know that Lifeline has a text service you can use for support when feeling overwhelmed or distressed? If you’re not up to talking on the phone, you can text 0477 13 11 14 and you’ll be linked in with a trainer crisis supporter. When texting is easier that talking, a compassionate listener is still available. You can also communicate through Beyond Blue’s online webchat.