Written by Clinical Psychologist, Katie Dobinson 

The term ‘failure’ often reminds us of negative past experiences, like failing an exam, mistakes made at work, or disappointing others. If you can recall a time where you’ve failed at something, this makes you human! We’ve all made errors, mistakes, or have failures in our past. However, ‘failure’ doesn’t have to continue to be such a negative and taboo term.

Reframe the fail

Rather than viewing failure as a purely negative, scary, and avoidable outcome, we’d like to encourage you to take a different perspective and challenge you to see that failure doesn’t have to mean defeat.

It’s a chance to reset, learn, and grow.

This month we will focus on how to reduce your fears of failure to live a more fulfilling life.  

Strengthening self-efficacy (learning self-belief skills)  

Strengthening your self-efficacy or self-belief, is a great way to tackle the fear of failure.

Self-efficacy is defined as how much we believe in our ability to achieve a goal. Or put simply, believing in yourself!

Self-efficacy involves a way of thinking that cultivates and strengthens confidence, and motivates you to achieve the things that are important to you. Believing in yourself also involves reminding yourself that if things don’t turn out the way you were hoping that you can still cope and get through the hardship – and you don’t have to do it alone.  

Self-efficacy can be strengthened through some core CBT skills. The stronger your self-efficacy, the less fearful of failure you might become. This is because when you believe in yourself, you will approach your goals (rather than avoid them).

Trying is key to self-confidence. Even if you don’t achieve the outcome you wanted on the first try, we can try again and now have more knowledge and experience than the first attempt.

Here’s how to build your self-efficacy.  

1. Setting realistic goals (and achieving small victories)

Break down your goal into small, achievable steps rather than thinking about the final deadline or outcome you are aiming for (which can lead to feelings of overwhelm or a desire to avoid). Try making S.M.A.R.T. goals, that is, setting a goal that is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Each time you chip away at your goal in a small way, recognise this achievement as an important stepping-stone to your larger goal and reward yourself.  

2.  Seeking experiences of ‘mastery’ (and that great feeling of accomplishment)

Mastery experiences involve situations where you overcome a challenging or difficult talk. This gives you a sense of accomplishment, and a feeling of “I can do it!”. You can start with smaller tasks, like trying a new skill (cooking a new meal, taking on a smaller challenging task at work, attending a new gym class) and sticking with it until you have learnt the new skill.

This helps to build proof for yourself that you can take on a challenge, and succeed in it!  

3. Learning from other’s experiences (‘vicarious’ learning) 

We all learn by observing others. When a challenging task is ahead of you, it really helps to learn vicariously through others how they approach the task, what skills are involved, and how they managed to achieve a goal. Seeing others complete tasks that we ourselves aren’t yet confident in provides modelling, which we can then mimic and mirror.

For example, reading books about the skill you’re looking to cultivate, seeking mentorship and advice from others who’ve tackled the challenge already – these are all key aspects to building self-efficacy. Remind yourself that those who have succeeded once were new to the task as well, and have practiced overtime to reach their goal. The same can be true for you over time!  

4. Words of encouragement (self and other) 

Instead of focusing on the possible negative outcomes of a challenging task, try to take a more balanced outlook by providing yourself with words of encouragement. There is so much research to indicate that compassionate self-talk, rather than criticism, is more helpful for goal achievement and confidence.

Consider what you might say to a friend or loved one who was anxious about an upcoming exam, or new relationship? “You are doing your best, you’ve gotten through tough times before. I believe in you!”

This is the kind of encouragement that’s important to give to yourself. Seek out encouragement from others – hearing that others believe in you and your abilities is very comforting, motivating, and can make approaching a challenging task more achievable. Write down words of encouragement and read over these to help coach yourself to approach the challenge.    

In embracing failure, we foster growth and resilience.

Key skills to reduce the fear of failure include: 

• Setting S.M.A.R.T goals and celebrating small victories 
• Seeking mastery through tackling challenges 
• Learning from others’ experiences 
• Practicing self-compassion and receiving encouragement from others 

These strategies empower us to build self-efficacy, approach challenges with confidence, and ultimately lead more fulfilling lives. For more information on how to practice and master these helpful skills, try a THIS WAY UP CBT online program today!  

Or, to help you check your levels of stress, anxiety, or low mood we have developed a free and anonymous Take-a-Test Tool. 

Bonus download! We have created a a handy resource that can help you manage your fear of failure. We call it the STEP strategy.

Learning STEP skills can help you approach tasks that you might have been avoiding due to fear of failure. Work towards what’s important to you, and trust that the outcome doesn’t need to be so scary. Download our STEP resource here.